The Soul Is A Bride Looking Out From Inside
by HanschenRilowIsSexOnASpork
Summary: Co-Written with Hansi And Ernst Sittin InATree..."Church bells sounding in the distance; they chime thrice. An announcement of marriage, of love. It was picturesque, really, getting married on the first day of spring." Hernst,Angst,and Dreams, Please R&R!


**Hi! I have wanted to write a fanfic like this for a long time, but I could never get the dream part right, so I asked the lovely _Hansi and Ernst Sittin InATree_ to write that for me, and she obliged...So everything written up to the big chunk of italics(The dream) Is mine, everything else is hers...so could you please (if you decide to review) seperate you review into chunks so its easier for me to read?? Thankyou, I hope you enjoy :)**

**Disclaimer: Spring Awakening belongs to Steven Sater and Duncan Sheik (And Frank Wedekind). So please dont sue.**

Church bells sounding in the distance; they chime thrice. An announcement of marriage, of love. It was picturesque, really, getting married on the first day of spring. It was sweet, it was chaste, and it was utterly sentimental.

"Ernst?"

"Yes Mama"

Frau Robel ruffled her eldest son's hair affectionately.

"I asked you a question dear."

Ernst blushed, bowing his head slightly as he did so.

"Oh! Im sorry Mama, I was distracted, by something" A lie. He was preoccupied with _someone_ "What was the question?"

"Have you heard about your Cousin Ferdinand's proposal to his sweetheart…Maria, I think her name is?"

Ernst smiled faintly. "Oh, that's nice for them, Mama"

His mother had been speaking of marriage a lot lately. And try as she might she had never quite grasped the art of subtlety; Ernst knew the question was coming.

"You seem quiet close to some of girls…" _Oh no_ "And Emilie said that her Thea had a particular partiality towards you" _Here it comes "_Do you think she'd make a good wife Ernst?"

Ernst swallowed hard. No matter how much he prepared himself he knew he'd never be ready for this. What on earth could he say? "_No Mama, I don't think that anyone would make a good wife for me as I am already in love with Hanschen"_ Of course not. Only a fool would do such a thing.

"Well, not to be discourteous to Thea, but she can be rather…abrasive at times"

"Right then…but surely there's someone who you have a fondness for?"

_Hanschen_ "There's nobody as of yet Mama"

Frau Robel nodded as she paced around the kitchen, twirling the strings of her apron around her fingers, a sure sign she was becoming flustered.

"No matter, dear. You shall be travelling to Berlin with your father next month, perhaps you find a lovely young Fraulein there"

Ernst nodded. "Perhaps"

"To think, it seems that only yesterday that young Georg was cavorting about with you in the garden, and now to hear the whisper that he shall be proposing to Anna Gerard…and of course Hanschen's betrothed, you're all growing up so fast" She walked around the table and gave her son's shoulders a squeeze "It'll be you soon dear, don't you worry"

"Hanschen b-betrothed, did you say?"

"Oh yes dear, he has been since he was a young child, but you know what those types of families are like, they want to ensure everything is decided for child before they're even old enough to know. All I care about is that you're with someone you love and who makes you happy…" Frau Robel sat next to her son at the kitchen table. "You do know that, right? No matter who that person is, as long as you hold them in your heart, I will know I have done my job as mother."

It was at times like this that Ernst had to use all his might not to tell her. "I know, Mama, I know"

The woman frowned "Are you alright, dear, you've paled a little"

"Im fine Mama…could I…might I be able to visit Hanschen?"

"Of course you may…but do be in for Lunch, and don't forget wee have the party to attend at the Lammermier's tonight, and you must be there Ernst"

"Yes Mama"

"Alright then Goodbye dear"

Ernst grabbed his coat, kissed his mothers cheek and pulled the door closed with a double pull as his father hadn't fixed it. The same way he always did, just as if nothing had changed. But it had. Hanschen wasn't entirely his anymore. And it hurt.

* * *

Hanschen pulled the door open to be met by a sour-faced Ernst.

"Why didn't you tell me you were betrothed?"

"Good morning to you too, Ernst"

"Hansi, please don't…just tell me"

"Fine fine, come upstairs"

Once the door had been locked and Hanschen had to force Ernst to sit on the bed, Hanschen handed Ernst a bundle of envelopes.

"Yes, I am betrothed and yes, I should have told you, but I honestly didn't see the need as I have no intention to marry Rosemarie…"

"Rosemarie?" Ernst cut in. _Oh, so she had a name._

Hanschen smirked at the hint of jealousy in Ernst's voice. "Yes, Rosemarie, but she and I have been exchanging letters since we were young, and she has found herself a sweetheart, an Italian fellow, and she wishes to marry him, they are to elope next month…neither of us wanted to marry each-other but we both found a friend and confidant in our letters. Basically what Im trying to say Ernst, is we shan't be married, I wish her the best with her true love…and she wishes me the best with mine"

Hanschen hand found its way to Ernst's, their fingers intertwining. That was one of the things Ernst loved most, the way his hand seemed just to fit in Hanschen's, like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, two halves of a whole.

"Really Hansi?"

"You can read the letters yourself if you don't believe me; I love you, and only you Ernst"

Ernst leant forward and brushed his lips softly against Hanschen's before pulling away, their lips meeting in a brief, chaste moment. And then once more. And one more time, a small, tender movement. Ernst pushed up into one kiss and pressed Hanschen down and against his body. Their mouths finally opened to the other's, dizzying and sweet. No matter what anyone said, Ernst knew this wasn't wrong, it just couldn't be. He wouldn't feel this way if it was…he just wouldn't.

"Hanschen?"

"Yes Ernst?"

"Keep kissing me."

"I will."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

* * *

Hanschen looked bored, Ernst thought. He was stood in the corner, with Otto's elder sister, and the glass of wine she had given him. And he looked thoroughly uninterested in whatever she had to say.

Ernst himself was stood with Otto and Thea, and it was utterly uncomfortable. Otto liked Thea, but Thea liked Ernst, and Ernst loved Hanschen.

"So, Ernst, what have you been doing over the holidays, I haven't had chance to ask you yet? Hopefully you haven't been spending time with that ghastly Hanschen Rilow; I honestly don't know what you see in him."

"He's honestly not that bad once you get to know him, isn't that right Otto?"

Otto stirred from 'Thea-Watching' at the mention of his name.

"Pardon? Oh yes Hanschen, right, yes we've all become much closer since 'The Incident'".

Well, that was a way to silence a room. Everyone in earshot turned to stare at the three adolescents. All of the aforementioned blushed profusely, mumbling their apologies.

"Ernst! Ernst, dear could you come here a moment"

Gladly Ernst followed his mothers call.

As he sat down next to his mother on the sofa, he suddenly felt it was a bad idea. Ernst vaguely recognised all of the women that surrounded him in the circle; they were his mother's friends, other people's mothers.

"Now Ernst, your mother was just telling us that you didn't yet have a prospective bride, is that true?"

Ernst nodded timidly "Yes Frau Rilow"

"Well, for a lovely young man like you there's no excuse, if my Ava were a few years older, I'd be glad to have her marry you"

"Thankyou Frau Stiefel"

"Its nothing to worry about really, my Ina wasn't married until she was twenty-one! Im sure you'll find someone, won't you Ernst?"

"Yes Frau Bergman"

"Well, my Martha is your age, do you know her Ernst?"

"Yes Frau Bessell"

"Perhaps we could arrange for a meeting with the both of you, would you like that Ernst?"

"I…I…" he mouth wrapped around his words, he couldn't function. "I…I mean, im sorry im not feeling well, may I be excused"

Frau Lammermier patted Ernst on the back. "Of course you may, the bathroom is the first on the left"

Ernst ran up the stairs and straight to the bathroom, once he was inside he perched himself on the edge of the bath and wiped the tears away from his face. He heard footsteps and then Hanschen walked through the door.

"Ernst, whatever is the matter?"

"I…I d-don't want to get m-m-married, Hanschen"

"Oh Ernst" Hanschen chuckled "Not this again, I mean really…"

"Don't laugh!" Ernst blurted out "Don't l-laugh at me Hanschen! I don't w-want this! I don't want M-Martha. I want you, I love you…it isn't f-fair!"

Hanschen sighed as he wrapped his arms around Ernst.

"I know it isn't fair Ernst, but we have to grow up, there's so much more to love, so much more we will have to do for each other"

"B-but why c-can't things be the w-way they are n-now, just you and I?"

"Because the world is a cruel, harsh place and we have to fight for our love, okay…I think you should get home, get to sleep and I will see you in the morning okay," Hanschen kissed the top of Ernst's head. "I love you"

"I love you too Hanschen."

* * *

Ernst's dream that night was the worst he had had since he was born.

_The air was thick and musty and it caught in his throat. The stale, sour smell of damp enflamed his nostrils, as he fought the urge to cough. Where in __**God'**__s name was he. Some corridor he didn't recognise. It was dark, there were no windows, and the only light existing was in the form of a golden, heavenly glow that was exuding from the single door at the end of the passage. Ernst took a tentative step closer…and another…and another, till suddenly the door was right in front of him. The fragrance coming from the room was wonderful, like vanilla, and chocolate and chilly October evenings and all the things Ernst liked best._

"_Ernst, what are you doing out there? Come inside will you"_

_**Hanschen!**__ Of course! Ernst knew he recognised the smell._

_Eagerly he pushed open the door; the once divine shine became painfully bright the further he pushed the door open, he shielded his eyes from the offending light and stepped into the room. All at once the room was vaguely familiar ye he knew he had never seen it before._

_His footsteps were heavy against the wooden floorboards, resonating vacuously in the almost silent room. Ernst surveyed the room, a grand bed, with a beautifully carved headboard, burgundy silk sheets and Turkish pillows to match. An easel, adorned with the image of a beautifully quaint little __**vineyard**__, each branch of the trees filled with rich grapes of all varieties. A mirror, with an intricate golden frame, and sheer panel of glass that looked cool the touch. And a dress. A __**wedding**__ dress. The most beautiful dress Ernst had ever seen. Pure, pure white, like virgin snow, with ruffles and crystals as perfect as dewdrops. Lace trimmings and a veil to match…it truly was breathtaking. Ernst brushed his fingers gently over the dress, it was soft but cold, absolutely freezing cold._

"_Well Ernst" a female voice, soft and melodious like a thousand bells. "Are you going to hand me my dress?" _

_Ernst turned slowly towards the window. And, in only her underwear, stood a tall woman, with honey-blonde curls that swooped down towards her waist. She was facing the window so he couldn't see her face but he knew who she was. He __**knew**__._

_His bride._

_Ernst blinked several times, remembering the reason he even came into the room._

"_H-Hanschen?"_

"_Oh Ernst!" the woman sobbed "Won't you ever get over that boy, we are to be wed today and all you can think about is him, what about our togetherness? What about our life? What about our unborn children? We need you Ernst, we need you… Now, be a dear, and __**pass me the dress**__"_

_No…__**NO!**__ He didn't want to be married, not this woman he didn't know, not to Martha or Thea or any girl, he just wanted Hanschen._

"_Ernst, darling, please" Her voice was laced with a tone too rich to be sincere. It mad Ernst's skin crawl. "Darling, look at yourself in the mirror and tell me you don't want this"_

_Ernst turned towards the mirror. It's once sheer surface now rippled like crystalline water. He gasped at his reflection. He looked gaunt, sallow, and skeletal. His clothes hung off his heavily bruised body and his eyes were flat nothing was there…__**he**__ was __**nothing**__. Ernst felt numbness in his body and fullness in his throat. He brought his trembling hands up to this face, Mirror-Ernst copied each move faithfully, the perfect doppelganger, even down to the tears rolling down his emaciated face. Ernst choked back his tears, and Mirror-Ernst looked up, the formerly blank eyes now holding an ardent fervour, he reached his hand out towards Ernst. As if drawn by some unknown force, Ernst mirrored his twin, till his hand plunged into the icy cold depth. Ernst felt as if he were surrounded by black water __with an incredible pressure that was choking his lungs that were screaming for air,__ he grasped forwards, attempting to catch the hand of his mirrored self. __As his lungs were squeezed smaller by the pressure, he choked and gagged on nothing. His throat burned with trapped air and his ears were pounding. His heart thumped erratically against his chest till eventually in one magnificent moment he linked hands with himself. _

_Sunlight, beautiful, glorious sunlight, and Mirror-Ernst looked happy as he leant against another figure. Hanschen. Ernst's heart swelled at the sight, himself and his lover, side by side, hand in hand, Mirror-Hanschen leant down and pressed a kiss to Mirror-Ernst lips._

_Ernst didn't want marriage…he wanted to be loved._

_Ernst tried to speak but his voice wouldn't work, all that came out was an unintelligible chortle. He forced again, and his voice came out gruff and it scratched against his throat as he tried to speak._

"_I…I d-don't want this"_

"_What?!?" the woman's voice was shrill._

"_I __**don't**__ want this" Ernst voice became clearer as he became more sure of himself. "And I don't want you!"_

_**Pain!**__** Pain**__, Unimaginable pain. It felt as if his heart had been ripped out, he hastily removed his hand out of the mirror and grasped at his chest. The mirror smashed, the fragments dancing their way across the wooden floor, like lethal butterflies, they seemed to float across the tarnished wood before settling._

"_TELL ME YOU DON'T WANT THIS!" The woman's voice had reached hysteria, her scream pained Ernst just to listen, and he glanced down at the large shard of glass at his feet. With trembling hands he picked it up. __**Sharp**__, cold, and it felt good in his hands, he felt powerful and strong. He stood up to full height, and dashed across to the dress that was hung daintily. With the glass poised in his hand, he slashed and ripped and tore the dress. With all his might he clawed at it until all that was left was the tattered remains. With one last bout of energy he thrust the glass into the dress, right where the heart would be. He raised his eyes to the dress…_

_**Blood.**__ Thick, red blood coated the dress, as if someone had been in there whilst he savaged it. The scarlet liquor pooled from the shard of glass, and other parts of the dress. Ernst span around quickly, and his eyes were taken to the easel, the once idyllic vineyard scene was now twisted. The trees were mottled the sky was cast an ominous grey. It was ruined, spoilt, tarnished, stained and imperfect. _

"_Just like you Ernst, sick twisted, sordid, unclean, tainted…"_

"_Stop! Dear God, just stop…please" Ernst's cry echoed throughout the now empty room. He turned towards the window. She was gone, only her undergarments lay piled on the floor. Ernst sighed in relief, carding his now grubby hands though his hair…it was okay, she was gone, everything would be fine._

_Sobbing, male sobbing, a cry of pain, Ernst's name…__**Hanschen.**_

"_Ernst!"_

_Ernst bolted towards the door, the sound was coming from outside, he went to twist the doorknob but was met with pain, a searing pain, Ernst looked down at his hand, that was now ornamented with a circular welt. Ernst shook his hand to ease the pain of the burn._

"_Ernst, help me please!" _

_Oh god, Ernst had that pang in his stomach, he knew something was terribly wrong, Hanschen didn't cry, not in front of Ernst anyway. Ernst swallowed hard. Grasping the boiling doorknob with both hands, he pulled with all his might and stumbled out of the room._

_On the floor lay Hanschen; covered in scratches, bruises and blood…and with an angular piece of glass protruding from his chest. Fat salty tears poured down his cheeks, making tracks through the blood._

"_Oh Hanschen! I…I didn't mean too, I…"_

"_Why? Why did you do this Ernst" Hanschen's voice broke "What is __**wrong**__ with you!?"_

"_Hanschen, Im sorry. I didn't know…I was just trying to…and I…I love you Hanschen"_

_Ernst knelt by Hanschen's side. Hanschen turned to look at Ernst, with eyes as blue as sapphires, vulnerability shone through predominantly._

"_Kiss me, Ernst"_

"_P-Pardon?"_

_Hanschen grasped Ernst's hand, their fingers intertwining, like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, two halves of a whole._

"_Kiss me" he repeated, brushing Ernst's fringe away from his face. "I love you"_

_Ernst leant forward and pressed his lips tentatively to Hanschen's. Hanschen pulled the smaller boy closer, deepening the kiss. The rusty taste of blood mixed with bile filled Ernst's mouth and he struggled not to gag. Hanschen's grip was becoming suffocating, one hand tugging roughly through Ernst's hair, the other squeezing painfully against his ribcage. Ernst pulled away from the nauseating kiss, resting his head on Hanschen's shoulder. He closed his eyes, and wished, __**prayed**__, for this to be over._

"_I love you Hanschen" He didn't know why he said it but it felt necessary._

"You love who?"_ the melodious voice in his head chided. He squeezed his eyes shut tighter, burying his head further into Hanschen's shoulder._ "Don't ignore me Ernst"

"_I don't love you!" Ernst tried to hold Hanschen closer to him but he fell with a painful thud against the floor. He opened his eyes, to be met with brilliant white, beneath him lay the perfect, untarnished wedding dress, still as pure as snow. The only imperfection was the dark shadow that was being cast over it. Ernst looked up to see Hanschen, still wounded, noticeably sobbing, and clutching a thick, mahogany coloured bible._

"_Ernst how could you! You said you loved me!"_

"_I do!" Ernst cried, crawling over and stopping at Hanschen's feet. "I do love you Hanschen!"_

_Hanschen shook his head. "I can't do this Ernst…I just can't"_

_The bible dropped to the floor, landing open in front of Ernst. Instinctively Ernst's eyes scanned the page…Not that, anything but that. "Hanschen…" Ernst glanced up meeting, not Hanschen, but the wall that was covered in writing, the bible's teaching's painted out in the blood of his lover…_

_Ernst wanted to vomit, it felt as if his heart had been ripped out of his chest. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't see, though he wasn't sure if he wanted to, all he could think about was what he had lost and what he had left._

_What he had left? A bride and his bible…_

_What he had lost? Too much… and what remained was incomparable to the loss._

_He sat for what seemed like a lifetime, in silence, and solace and nothingness…everything was black in this abyss. He was numb…or was he? He still had the memories, they clung to his hand like life depended on it, yet the real one he wanted holding his hand was gone. He had nothing he had hit rock bottom, that was until he felt himself falling…falling into this void…oblivion…and he couldn't stop… he would fall until he crashed…_

Ernst sat bolt upright, drenched to the bone, his damp hair clung to his forehead, and the sweat stung as it trickled into his eyes. His felt his stomach wrench…and then he cried. He cried and he cried but not because of an instant loss or even because of the dream; he just knew that his world would be over soon. And he would only be left with his bride and his bible.

**Hello fellow Guilty Ones!! Sophie (The author who wrote the dream part beacuse i can't be bothered to type my pen name but it probably would have been quicker than writing this anywho!!) here, and if anyone is conufsed by Ernst rather odd dream, feel free to ask questions!! ^_^**

**P.S Eloise and I were thinking of doing more dream fics, would you read more if we posted more??**

**Reviews Are Love 3 **


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